Snake N’ Shake

“Feed the snake,” the unplugged television whispered. “It’s time to feed the snake!” It was a bit startling, as it’s usually either the dog or the Love Boat Prime Time 1984 Collector’s Edition Plates that make the cryptic demands in our household. Not wanting to waste a good ‘command from beyond’ even if it didn’t come from the dulcet tones of Gavin Macleod, the once and future captain of our hearts, I leaned in to receive further orders.

“Just like the last one, just like the rest,” the pulsing static from the cathode ray tube hissed, sound reverberating off the faux wood grain sides. I knew what it wanted, and like any good American, I always do what the TV tells me. The antennae of the vintage RCA cabinet set waved towards the stereo, and the knobs clicked with anticipation as I pressed play again on the best debut metal EP to come out of St. Louis in a long time.

The full volume blast of hate-tank surf grind riffs, B movie horror weirdness, and cranky bastard lyrics from STL metal supergroup Church Snakes’ self-titled first offering is at once the sum of its parts and something else entirely. Made up of members of Hell Night, The Lion’s Daughter, and The Gorge, the new band possesses a quality the previous groups don’t have: the complete inability to give a single solitary fuck. They tear through 7 songs with titles like ‘God Thriller’ and ‘Disco Molesto’ in 23 replayable minutes without a skip, and have such a good time doing it, they make it look easy.

The band members claim to have written and recorded the album quickly by themselves (along with Gabe Usery) as an outlet for recent frustrations, and with such skilled and seasoned pros that could be true. However, the record and band rock so hard, what if there’s more to the story? They must get commands from the other side, too! Maybe they have the Dallas Prime Time 1984 Collector’s Plate? I hear that Larry Hagman is quite the charming devil.

We’ll all get to find out what fuels the Church Snakes’ asskickery when they make their live debut this Friday, October 24^th at Platypus (4501 Manchester Ave) along with Sine Nomine and Ryan Werner. Come hang out for an evening that’s sure to be equal parts loud and fun, and grab a rad Church Snakes shirt (made locally by Encapsulated Studios) so you can say you were there at the beginning. The venue is an intimate one, and everyone in attendance can get the full effect of the Church Snakes assault (it’s mostly tinnitus) while they shake their whatever off. The appliances will have to stay home though, but you can pick up extra shirts for them so they know you care.

I can hear them buzzing for more now. 

Stuck at home with your paranoid delusions or just can’t make the Platypus show? Go to churchsnakes.bandcamp.com so you can get both the album and the shirt; it’d be a lot cooler if you did.